Responses to Common Mediation Misconceptions
It is pretty common for prospective couples to believe the mediator will tell them what to do, or as described in the previous blog post-tell them what is “fair”. The mediator, however, is there to be a facilitator of a discussion-this is someone who is an impartial third-party neutral. Here are four truths about mediation (and their related common misconceptions).
Mediators are NOT judges! Nope. We do not tell you what to do or what the law is. In fact, that would be stepping outside our role. We can report what we have seen others do, which may or may not fit your situation. We can discuss possible options for future realities. We can also help you reality-test options. But we do not dictate results or advise as to what is “best” for your situation.
You do not have to “prove” anything to your mediator. Because mediation is not a trial, and the mediator is not your attorney or a judge, you do not have to feel defensive in this environment or “prove your case”. Instead, you may want to save your energy to prepare for a discussion about what matters most to you and how this might be achieved.
Negotiation means you will not get everything you want. The reality is, mediation is a give-and-take. You both may have areas that are non-negotiable, but it is usually beneficial for the mediation when both points of view offer flexibility, creativity, and an openness to the process. Most agreements result in a MOU (the document reflecting what was agreed to during the mediation) each side can comfortably live with, but this does not mean the agreement is 100% satisfactory to each side or “fair”-whatever this means.
Mediations can end in a sense of greater peace. While it may not be understood fully until you are there, sometimes using only litigation for the entirety of a family dispute results in no true “winners”-or a sense on both sides there has been a major loss. Both sides are drained financially, emotionally, and with an even greater sense of contention between the two parents. This often lends itself to continued contention in the long term (and can lend itself naturally to even greater involvement in future litigation). And so, the cycle continues. Mediation offers a different approach where contention is often toned down. Good mediations may even help families avoid or at least lessen future court involvement. A sense of peace with this result is truly a “win” for many.
Intrigued and wanting to learn more? Ragen Mediation, LLC has created a guide with you in mind. Consider the “Family Mediation Companion Digital Booklet” to help you gain a deeper understanding of mediation and become familiar with various topics that may be discussed during your next family mediation. You can access the “Family Mediation Companion” by going to the “Store” tab.
