Gray Divorce: Mediating Divorce After 50
“Gray divorce” is currently a popular way to describe the upward trend of people over 65 getting divorced at increased rates (Louallen, 2024). (We know, we know, we are not in love with this description either!) Ragen Mediation, LLC proposes we change the phrase to a “wise divorce”.
No matter the name, the reality is the divorce rate has doubled for 50-year-old + Americans since the 90’s.
With divides widening in our larger society due to issues such as COVID and the recent election, it is not surprising that there have been similar divides on a micro level (in marriages).
Additionally, the stigma surrounding divorce has decreased, and ways of obtaining divorce resources as well as information are easier than ever.
With the rise of gray divorce (or “wise” divorce), mediation spaces need to be mindful and sensitive to the needs of this population. If you are 50 or older, you may benefit from carefully discerning who you hire as a mediator. Here are some considerations for selecting a mediator for your over 50+ divorce:
1. Less Issues (Possibly): Some 50 year + parents will have adult children or children nearing adulthood. This can lend itself to fewer issues needing to be mediated. Parents with younger children usually have more to navigate concerning their children’s ongoing care (often, for years to come!). For people aged 50+ seeking a divorce mediation, they can ask questions about the expected number of sessions and if there is a discount or smaller package available that takes into consideration the number of issues being mediated.
2. Financial Professionals May be Needed: As couples age, sometimes their finances and assets are plentiful or diversified. There may be a need for additional financial professionals to help the participants navigate property division. Conversely, sometimes finances begin to slow down and the opposite reality is true-there is less to mediate financially.
3. Mediation Might Require Additional Tools: While many people over 50 are tech-savvy and familiar with video conferencing, some may not be. Even if an individual is familiar with virtual meeting platforms, they still may need tools such as closed captioning during the virtual mediation session, or they may need a refresher on how to use tools within the video application. When searching for a mediator, ask questions to help you determine if they will be accommodating to your specific needs. Every participant to a mediation should feel comfortable asking for what they need to help the mediation go well.
4. Pets: With the adult children out (or almost out!) of the house, it may be especially important to address issues surrounding pet custody. Older adults may seek out a furry companion now that the kids have left the nest. Our furry four-legged friends become some of our closest companions (and family members!). Selecting a mediator familiar with facilitating mediation regarding pet custody can help the participants feel at ease during this process.
5. Sensitivity to Other Life Changes: When mediating divorce/family disputes for older adults, it is important to be aware of other stressful life events that may be occurring for people in this age group. The participants to the mediation may be taking care of their ill and aging parents, navigating emotions about their children leaving home (aka becoming an “empty nester”), or they may be navigating hormonal changes, such as menopause. Mediators who have education and training in understanding these nuanced realities can often benefit the participants engaging in mediation.
Going through a gray (or wise!) divorce? Contact Kelly today at Kelly@ragenmediation.com.
